


The Handmaiden of Dr. Chaotica!

by jamelia116



Series: "Quid Pro Quo"/"Satisfaction" [5]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 02:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15765117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamelia116/pseuds/jamelia116
Summary: Holodeck shenanigans of "The Adventures of Captain Proton" variety. Tom "Captain Proton" Paris and Harry "Buster Kincaid" Kim try to entice their significant others, B'Elanna Torres and Seven of Nine, to participate in a chapter of their favorite 1930's movie serial holodeck program. Getting them to agree to participate is hard enough. Performing in the chapter is even harder -- and much more difficult to keep on track.The fifth of the six stories in the "Quid Pro Quo/Satisfaction" series.





	The Handmaiden of Dr. Chaotica!

**Author's Note:**

> All the usual disclaimers apply. Just an exercise in What Might Have Been. No claims of ownership because Paramount owns Star Trek lock, stock, and transphasic torpedo barrels. Et cetera, et cetera. 
> 
> Thanks to Brannon Braga and Joe Menosky for the introduction of Tom's Captain Proton program in their script for "Night," and Bryan Fuller and Michael Taylor for upping the laugh quotient in "Bride of Chaotica!"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"It's no use, Tom. Now that the captain has played the Queen of the Spider People, I won't play her. Not a chance." Sighing, B'Elanna Torres tossed the PADD he'd handed her onto the mess hall table.

 

"But B'Elanna! You're just as perfect for the part as she was! You know she only did it because those photonic aliens were endangering the ship."

 

"Oh, I know that, Tom. That doesn't change the fact that if I ever did play Queen Arachnia, you'd be comparing my version to the captain's. I absolutely refuse."

 

"Would you reconsider if I could come up with a new part for you? One that has nothing to do with Arachnia?"

 

Her husband's expression, at that moment, was a lot like a puppy's when he wanted to lick his mistress on the face. The image made her smile. Unfortunately, B'Elanna had to get back to Engineering and couldn't take advantage of her observation right at the moment. She decided she'd suggest a more human version of that action when they were alone in their quarters tonight, which might lead to more pleasant pastimes of the up-close-and-personal kind.

 

Right now, however, she had to answer his question. "That depends on the role you come up with. I have to admit, I liked it when that playwright Kelis told me I was his 'muse.' If you come up with some sort of character for me that's something like the one he did, I'll think about it."

 

"You're saying you'd rather be an Eternal instead of a Queen. A Goddess, not royalty."

 

"Something like that," she agreed, chuckling.

 

"Ah. Well. I'll definitely have to go back to the old drawing board for that one. I'm not sure goddesses fit into a Captain Proton scenario quite as well as evil queens or twin mistresses of evil do."

 

"I have confidence in you, Tom. You'll come up with something. I've got to go now. Seven and I have more Borg-inspired instrument adaptations to finish in Engineering."

 

As B'Elanna walked out of the mess hall to return to duty, Tom turned to his partner in Captain Protoning. "Come on, Harry. This silent partner bit is getting old. Help me out here! We're due back on the bridge in ten minutes. I'd like to get a start on this new chapter before we go."

 

"Tom, she's turned down every character we'd offered her."

 

"She told me she did want to try it now that she's had a little acting experience, but she says she won't play Constance Goodheart 'because she's blonde.'"

 

"Right. That's going to be Seven's part."

 

"If Seven agrees to do the scenario, you mean! She hasn't exactly given you the okay yet, has she?"

 

"Um, well, I think she will. Eventually."

 

"She'd better. Jenny and Megan have already signed on to be the Twin Mistresses of Evil for the next chapter, so they're out. I even offered B'Elanna a chance to play the new President of Earth. She told me the Doc has a lock on that one. If she won't be the queen either, the only part we've got left is an upgraded version of Satan's Robot."

 

"No, I wouldn't advise doing that, Tom. If Seven decides she won't be Constance Goodheart, I thought we could offer the upgrade to her. She has lots of experience portraying a mechanized being."

 

"Harry! What can we come up with that will make B'Elanna at least a little interested in having some holodeck fun with us?"

 

"Appeal to her intellect?"

 

"Oh, great. 'The Adventures of Captain Proton' and intellectual appeal. Talk about your mutually exclusive concepts! I'd have more luck . . . wait a minute. Doctor Chaotica has all this advanced weaponry, right? The Death Ray, and stuff. Who invented it for him?"

 

"I thought Doctor Chaotica and what's-his-face -- Lonzak, his assistant, invented everything."

 

"Maybe they had some help from a brilliantly fiendish mind, wrapped up in a gorgeous feminine package. 'Dr. Chaotica's Henchwoman!' Or better yet, 'The Handmaiden of Dr. Chaotica!' That's the title for this chapter! It's perfect!"

 

"I'm not sure B'Elanna would appreciate being a servant. Maybe she'd like 'The Henchwoman of Dr. Chaotica' better."

 

"That sounds too awkward. 'Handmaiden' flows better. And it's just a job title, Harry. She'll actually get to order him around when she's installing his new weapon for him. The uh, . . . the . . . Death Ray etc., etc."

 

"I think you need a better name for the weapon, Tom."

 

"Obviously. I'll think of something."

 

"I hope so, but it won't be now. We're due on the bridge in the next two minutes."

 

"Oh, right. Let's go."

 

=/\=

 

"There is no way I'm going to play a servant, Tom. Back to the drawing board . . ." B'Elanna tossed the PADD back into her mate's lap. He managed to catch it before it landed on a most sensitive area.

 

"B'Elanna, she's not really a servant," he pleaded. "It's just a fun title. Really, Lady Illuminata is the true evil genius behind Dr. Chaotica's throne. She's the one who actually invented almost _all_ of Dr. Chaotica's fiendish devices."

 

"From a goddess to a fiendish inventor. Sounds like quite a comedown in status to me, Tom."

 

" _Everyone_ around Dr. Chaotica is fiendish in the beginning. The fun is in turning them into Captain Proton's allies."

 

"Or killing them off."

 

"Killing a character in one of these serials is never permanent. They get resurrected in the next chapter. But it's always better to turn them from bad guys into heroes. The people of Earth -- all of the galaxy -- will _worship_ her if she turns against Dr. Chaotica and his evilness. That's almost the same as being a goddess, isn't it?"

 

B'Elanna pondered the idea for a few minutes. Clearly he wasn't going to let this go. As reluctant as she'd always been to get involved in these way-out fantasy scenarios he liked to cook up, not all of them were clunkers. She loved visiting his Tahiti program. Fair Haven was a little silly sometimes, but the Borglets and Naomi really seemed to enjoy it. Now that the technical problems with the holocharacters had been solved to everyone's satisfaction, particularly the captain's, everyone visited it every now and then for a "change in pace." And his national park hiking program series had become so popular, some of the crew have been creating variations, using the program as the template for their own favorite destinations.

 

Finally she shrugged her shoulders, admitting defeat -- but only to a point. "Okay, Tom. Show me the new script for the chapter. If I like it enough, I'll go along."

 

From Tom's enthusiastic reception over her willingness to bend even this tiny bit closer to agreeing to his proposal, B'Eanna knew it was only a matter of time before he'd actually get her to do it, even if it meant she'd have to write up the whole darn script herself.

 

=/\=

 

After quickly reading through Constance Goodheart's lines from the PADD a very eager Harry had presented to her, Seven curled up her lip, saying, "This individual is an insipid creature. I'd prefer playing Kal-toh with Tuvok -- or even Kadis-kot with Naomi and Mezoti -- than waste my time on the holodeck portraying a character like this."

 

"You know, you're right. I think the holocharacter Tom already has in the program fits the part much better than you would. However, we do have another role in mind. A new Satan's Robot."

 

"You want me to play the robot that I was able to turn off by pulling a single wire out of its central canister? I'd rather act as Captain Proton's secretary, and I refuse to do that."

 

"No, no, you see, it's an _upgraded_ Satan's Robot. Dr. Chaotica's henchwoman, Lady . . . I forget her name right now, but she's designed an entirely new robot who looks like a beautiful woman. But she's actually a robot. She's terrifying! But Buster Kincaid will be able to charm her and turn her against evil."

 

"Buster Kincaid has the capacity to charm . . . a robot?" Her voice exuded incredulity.

 

"The new Satan's Robot is more like an android. She responds to the same things humans or androids do." Harry's voice dripped desperation.

 

For several seconds that seemed more like minutes to Harry, Seven stared unblinkingly at her lover. Finally, she said, "Do you have _that_ script available?"

 

"Uh, not yet, but I'm sure Tom has it almost ready. Once our shifts are over, I'll check on how close it is to being finished. Then I'll come to Cargo Bay Two to show it to you."

 

"Acceptable." She quickly strode out of the mess hall.

 

As soon as her luscious form had disappeared out of the doorway, Harry slapped his combadge to contact Tom. "You know that fallback role we talked about for Seven, the upgraded Satan's Robot? I need it ready to show Seven. Tonight." Harry winced at Tom's initial response, but he sighed with contentment when his friend agreed he'd do his best.

 

"Oh, and that reminds me. We'll need to come up with a costume, too."

 

The usually unflappable pilot's response to this was far more vehement -- and profane -- than being asked to revise the chapter's entire script. Finally, to stop Tom's ranting, Harry advised, "That's okay, Tom. I'll take a crack at designing a new costume."

 

As Harry carried his lunch tray to the recycler, he wondered what he'd gotten himself into. He was confident in his ability to analyze, diagnose, and fix almost any problem on board _Voyager_ , but costume design? That would definitely be a new one for Lieutenant j.g. Harry Kim to handle.

 

=/\=

 

When Harry walked into Cargo Bay Two at 1920 hours, Mezoti and Icheb were hanging around with Seven. The two young former Borg showed no sign of wishing to leave the couple alone, and Seven made no move to ask them to go. Before he'd crossed the room and reached the computer console, where the three were standing, Icheb and Mezoti began to pepper him with questions about the chapter's plot.

 

The reason for their avid interest finally became manifest when Icheb asked Harry, "Are there any characters we could play?"

 

"Um, I don't think Tom's come up with any characters for you two yet. I'll talk to him about it. Maybe in the next chapter?"

 

Icheb and Mezoti looked at each other and sighed as Icheb said, "Well, we tried, Mezoti."

 

"I promise I'll talk to Tom about it, as soon as we've done this chapter," Harry said to the two "Borglets." They nodded acceptance, but they still didn't leave to pursue any of their own interests. Since Seven didn't suggest they go anywhere else, Harry resigned himself to proceeding as if they weren't standing there staring at him. Rather than jump directly into the script, however (about which Harry had a few misgivings), he decided to show Seven the design for the new robot costume. Instead of passing the PADD around, he activated the cargo bay computer console, which had a much bigger screen, so that all of them could see it at once. "I'll show you the design first, in case you want to make any changes, Seven, and then I'll replicate it for you."

 

Harry stepped back with a flourish, allowing Seven and the two children to view the image on the screen. After she'd studied it for several seconds, Mezoti observed, "It doesn't look much like a robot."

 

"It's very . . . snug-fitting," Icheb added uneasily.

 

Harry explained, "It's made of anatomically correct plates, connected by chain link sections. The sleeves and leggings are made of chain link, too." He smiled as broadly as he could. The others were staring grimly at the screen.

 

"It's ugly," Mezoti finally said, exchanging glances with Icheb.

 

"And it doesn't look very comfortable," Icheb added.

 

"It looks unwearable!" Seven declared. "Those plates would cut into my flesh if I should even attempt to bend my body or limbs in any direction. I would be better off wearing a version of the bodysuit the Doctor designed for me after he removed my implants -- as long as it isn't so tight. If the program  requires me to wear this . . . this metal canister, I refuse to participate." She swiveled on her heel and walked stiffly towards the regeneration platform.

 

"Wait, Seven, I told you! We can change the costume. Please, work with me on this!" She paused and turned halfway around to look at Harry, just before she ascended the first step.

 

Icheb's response stopped her before she'd shifted her weight onto it. "You know, Seven, since Borg body coverings are made of artificial leather, that might work better. I'm sure Harry can make up another design for you to wear."

 

"I remember those coverings. They felt stiff on my body," Mezoti said. "Since the original Satan's Robot is silver, the new costume needs to be, too. If the body-hugging part is made of a substance that looks like metal, but is actually a kind of cloth, it should be more comfortable; and Seven would still look more like a robot."

 

"What cloth looks like metal?" Seven asked Mezoti.

 

"Lamé cloth is shiny. It looks a little like liquid metal. It's really pretty."

 

"Where did you learn about something like that?" Seven asked.

 

"Naomi, of course."

 

"Perhaps we should call Naomi and obtain her opinion about my costume," Seven said acidly. "She obviously knows more about such things than you do, Harry."

 

When Sam gave her daughter permission to join them, Naomi said happily, _:::I'll be right there!:::_

 

While they waited for Naomi's arrival, Seven insisted on reading the script. After quickly perusing her new lines, she shook her head and proclaimed, in an annoyed tone of voice, "This robot repeats itself constantly."

 

"Robots of the time had very small memory caches. That limited their ability to express themselves. Feel free to revise your dialogue, though, Seven," Harry hastened to say.

 

Seven stared at him. "I was under the impression the Captain Proton and Buster Kincaid scenarios are fictional."

 

"Oh, they are, sure. But we want to stay close to what the people of that time would expect a robot to be like. Even if it's a more beautiful version."

 

It was difficult for Seven to miss the sweat that was beginning to form on Harry's forehead. Seven's own demeanor remained severe; but secretly, she couldn't help being amused. Relief for Harry came from an unexpected quarter, however.

 

"When these entertainments were written, computer technology barely existed," Mezoti commented. "They didn't have memory caches yet."

 

"How do you know that?" Harry asked the young Norcadi girl.

 

"When Seven said she was thinking about participating in your program, Icheb and I researched science fiction serials of the 1930's. They look quite silly to us now, but the people living in those times didn't know anything about warp drives or what the other planets or Earth's moon were really like. They invented things that couldn't be true. But some of what they imagined does exist today. We just use different names for them."

 

"Are you suggesting Seven should change her dialogue to take out any repetitions, and use the words we use now for the same concepts?" Icheb asked Mezoti.

 

"No. I think the lines are perfect. She should say them as they are. They're supposed to be stupid." Mezoti smiled benignly at Harry.

 

"Thanks. I think," Harry said, but he was laughing as he replied.

 

At this juncture, Naomi ran into Cargo Bay Two. After everyone filled her in on what had been happening, Naomi became very excited. "You _are_ going to record this in a visual log, aren't you? I want to see it!"

 

"I would as well," Icheb added, smiling broadly.

 

Mezoti's facial expression brightened as she nodded her head in agreement with the others.

 

Seven breathed out deeply. In the face of Naomi's exuberant reaction; the muted, but just as expectant expressions on the faces of Mezoti and Icheb; and Harry's obvious desire for her participation, she gave in. She began to read the script aloud to her adoring public.

 

Seven's delivery of the lines was so matter of fact and drone-like, they all agreed with Naomi when she said, "It works!" Mezoti and Icheb applauded.

 

"Perfect, Seven!" Harry beamed.

 

Seven's reaction was not as positive as Harry would have liked to hear. "This dialogue is almost as insipid as Constance Goodheart's -- which is the part I _refused_ to play."

 

"I'll play the part for you if you don't want to, Seven," Naomi volunteered.

 

Observing the panicked look on Harry's face, Icheb said, "I'm not sure Tom and Harry would want to play this chapter without B'Elanna and Seven playing these parts, Naomi. After they've finished, maybe Tom will let us play our own version. I can be Captain Proton, and Naomi, you can be Queen Arachnia. Mezoti, you would make an excellent upgraded Satan's Robot. I'm not sure who could play Buster Kincaid."

 

"Azan can be Buster," Naomi suggested. "And Rebi can be . . . "

 

"His twin brother Buddy Kincaid," Mezoti said, with a subtle sneer. "They can split the dialogue between them. They should each be able to manage half the lines."

 

Naomi and Harry were still laughing when Azan and Rebi entered the cargo bay. Rebi asked, "Why are you laughing?" and Azan said, "What's so funny?"

 

"I believe the appropriate response would be, 'I rest my case,' " Mezoti stated archly.

 

=/\=

 

B'Elanna was annoyed. "This handmaiden costume is basically a bathing suit with filmy panels for a skirt. No engineer or weapons developer would ever wear anything like this, Tom. The skirt would get caught in the machinery! I'd be better off with a knock-off of Seven's Satan's Robot costume. Maybe in red. What do you think?"

 

While a form-fitting costume in red, similar to Seven's, did have its appeal, Tom wasn't sure how Seven would react if B'Elanna's costume was a close copy of the one Seven and the children came up with in place of Harry's rejected robot design -- which was a more comfortable version of the first suit Seven wore on _Voyager_. Tom was desperate to get B'Elanna to go along with the scenario, however, so he agreed to a revision. "We'll use a body suit for the base instead of a bathing suit, B'Elanna, but the filmy skirt needs to stay." Thinking quickly, he added, "Lady Illuminata puts on the skirt when Dr. Chaotica summons her. She wears just the practical body suit when she's . . . inventing."

 

"Oh, all right. Replicate that version and let me try it on."

 

Once she was wearing the new costume, B'Elanna said, a little reluctantly, "I feel poured into this thing, but I guess it isn't that uncomfortable. If it's only while I'm in the program, I guess I can stand it." She twirled around several times while her husband leaned back against the wall. After he whistled, she began to laugh. "Oh, all right. I'll go along with the skirt. I do like the way it feels swirling around my ankles."

 

"It will look great when I sweep you up in my arms at the climax of the episode," Tom said with a leer. "And that body suit is pretty sexy, particularly in the new color."

 

"You always have liked me in red."

 

"Especially satiny red like that," he purred.

 

There were no further costume fittings or script readings for the rest of the evening.

 

=/\=

 

When Jenny and Megan hadn't shown up by the time the program was set to begin, Tom contacted Megan. _:::We're sorry, Tom. We both had changes to our schedules. We can't come today. Maybe another day?:::_

 

"Now what are we going to do?" Harry asked forlornly.

 

"Naomi and Mezoti could play the parts of the Twin Mistresses of Evil," Seven suggested.

 

Tom grimaced. "Maybe some other time. I can always call up the twin mistresses I programmed before Jenny and Megan agreed to play them. Since we revised the script, they don't have all that much to do in this chapter anyway."

 

The programmed Twin Mistresses of Evil, who looked remarkably like Jenny and Megan, marched into Doctor Chaotica's fortress to begin the scenario.

 

"I think it's going well," Tom said a few minutes later.

 

"How can you tell? The only ones actually in the chapter so far are your holocharacters. None of us have gone into action yet," B'Elanna said, bemused.

 

"Just looking at Lady Illuminata's costume pleases me. I wonder, maybe we should take time out for an intermission."

 

Harry groaned, "Not yet! We haven't gotten to the good part yet. We have to play on."

 

"You just can't wait for our new and improved Satan's Robot to 'capture' Buster," B'Elanna remarked knowingly.

 

"You're right! I can't."

 

The chief engineer shook her head but smiled as she said, "I think we're getting close to our entrances, Seven. Let's take our places and wait for our cues."

 

B'Elanna and Seven slipped behind the sets and assumed their positions for their entrances into the chapter's action. After Chaotica told the Twin Mistresses of Evil he wanted to attack Earth with his new superior weapon, he declaimed, "Lady Illuminata, my Handmaiden! Come to your Overlord!"

 

At the sound of the overblown (to B'Elanna) flare of trumpets, her cue, B'Elanna stalked into the fortress. "My liege, I have created the ultimate weapon! The most powerfully destructive ray gun of all time! Never has a more dastardly weapon of mass destruction been invented in all the universe! The new Ultimate Destructo-Ray-Gun is here!" Sighing, B'Elanna called out to Tom, waiting in the wings, "This dialogue is _so_ _corny_!"

 

"Of course it is. The '30's movie serial dialogue was always corny."

 

B'Elanna rolled her eyes but gamely continued, although  not without a little improvised dialogue: "The bigger the gun, the better, right Dr. Chaotica?" B'Elanna asked innocently.

 

"Always, my pet!" Turning towards the platform at the back of the set, Chaotica uttered the words of another entrance cue: "New Improved Satan's Robot, we need your superior strength! Help Lady Illuminata lift our new Ultimate Destructo-Ray-Gun into place!"

 

Seven stepped out from the curtain behind the throne. "I will comply." Somehow, Seven managed to alter her voice to sound even more mechanical -- or Borg-like -- than usual.

 

Once it was in place Chaotica proclaimed, "We shall test this weapon against the Spider People. Queen Arachnia has betrayed me! Death to all the Spider People!"

 

The Twin Mistresses of Evil obligingly chorused, "Death to all the Spider People! Death _, Death_ , _DEATH!_ "

 

Chaotica summoned Lonzak, his trusted aide de camp. Instead, Captain Proton and Buster Kincaid appeared.

 

"My beautiful, evil Satan's Robot, imprison the invaders!" Seven successfully corralled "Buster Kincaid."

 

When Seven handcuffed Harry and chained him to the wall, he blustered his way through his dialogue, grinning inappropriately every second.

 

"Isn't this the coolest part?" Harry finally said to Seven.

 

"Stay in character!" Seven ordered.

 

"Uh, sure. Anything you say, New Improved Satan's Robot. Your wish is my command."

 

The Handmaiden tried to capture Proton, but he smoothly dodged out of her reach. A swift punch to his wrist dislodged his ray-pistol, however, and Tom yelped, "Ouch! That hurt. You're forgetting your own strength, dear. You almost knocked me over."

 

"You cannot beat me, Invader! I am made of sterner stuff than your average wimpy female, like that . . . that . . . blonde bimbo of a secretary of yours, Constance Goodheart! Stop fighting me, Captain Proton, or I will be forced to damage you most severely. Resistance is futile!"

 

"I believe that's my line," Seven sniffed.

 

"Just borrowing it for a second, Upgraded Satan's Robot. The dialogue in this scene is terminally corny. I have to do something to liven it up!"

 

Tom made a show of being overpowered, although, in truth, he didn't have to act that much for it to look authentic. Finally he panted, "You may have won this round, Lady Illuminata, but there will be another, I promise you!"

 

"Oh, please!" B'Elanna said, rolling her eyes upward in a plea for patience. "That is the worst dialogue ever, Tom. Total corn."

 

"Sure it is. But it's fun, isn't it?" Leaning in closer, he whispered into her ear, "But since this is the part of the episode when the 'Handmaiden' finds Proton 'irresistible' and succumbs to his charms, we could sneak in a kiss or two right here. We'll still be in character then."

 

"Hah! Like I would fall for every preening Tom, Dick, or Harry who tried to sway me away from evil after waving a huge, antiquated space pistol at me," Lady Illuminata spit out -- unfortunately quite literally, right into Tom's right eye. "Oh, sorry, space man. Didn't mean to do that. Where were we?"

 

"You were just getting to the line, 'But those cerulean eyes seem to be boring all the way down, deep into my soul. Their power is one I've never encountered before.' And then you _are_ supposed to kiss me." Tom smiled impishly at his love.

 

B'Elanna rolled her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. "I think you just made that up."

 

"No, it's right there in your script, page 27. Captain Proton works his magic on the beautiful engineer . . . I mean, beautiful, but fiendish handmaiden."

 

She tried to keep a straight face. She really did, but the only way she could hold in the guffaw that was threatening to burst out of her throat was to tighten her lips together and twist them to one side. Her eyes sparkled dangerously, but it was no use. Those kissable lips of his were puckering up the way they always did when he smooched her good-night. Instinct forced her to do his bidding. She gently grazed his lower lip and followed it with a much firmer peck. Then she really did succumb to the power of those eyes, just as she usually did. Their passionate, prolonged kiss lasted long enough that she wished they weren't in this scenario with their friends. She'd like to call out "freeze program" and throw him on the floor of the holodeck to have her way with him.

 

When they came up for air, he mumbled, "I think we had some lines to say first."

 

"I have no idea what my next line is. You talk instead. You're _so_ good at that."

 

"Ah, well, let me see . . . Lady Illuminata! It's not too late for you! If you join my sidekick Buster and me as we roam the galaxy, saving the people of Earth from dastardly fiends like Chatotica, you will no longer be the servant of evil, but our partner, representing all that is good in the galaxy. And I promise you, your grand wealth of knowledge will be put to good use. You won't be hidden away in some laboratory, inventing weapons that Dr. Chaotica will claim he created! The people will cheer your creativity! All hail, Lady Illuminata! Defender of Earth!"

 

"Putting it on a little thick, aren't you, Tom?" B'Elanna murmured into his ear. Since she was also chewing on his lobe as she said this, Tom began to moan softly. It was his turn to wish they hadn't encouraged Harry and Seven to participate in this playdate.

 

"Are you saying all the lines as written?" Seven sternly called out, adjusting "Buster's" leg irons to keep him from lashing out at her. This action hadn't been specified in the script, either, but Harry didn't seem to mind. Since Seven's body was pressing against his knees, he was obviously enjoying this ad-libbed bit of action.

 

"Artistic license, that's all," Tom replied as he smiled at B'Elanna. He took in a breath to deliver Proton's next line, but Dr. Chaotica intervened.

 

"Lady Illuminata! Haven't you vanquished your foe yet?"

 

"I have, my Liege," she replied, unable to completely suppress a giggle.

 

"Excellent! Bring him here so that Proton can watch the destruction of the forces of the Spider People . . . before you turn your fiendish weapon upon him and his puny sidekick, removing them forever from the cosmos!"

 

Holding her "prisoner" firmly by the neck, B'Elanna marched Tom towards the complex construction of tubes and wires that constituted her ultimate weapon. While still holding a very cooperative Tom pressed against her body, B'Elanna adjusted the gun's sight onto the forces advancing towards Chaotica's Fortress of Doom.

 

Lady Illuminata reached for the key that would activate the weapon, but then she hesitated. "Dr. Chaotica, I cannot permit the murder of my prisoner. I need to make him my love slave! Unless you free him from your sentence of death, I cannot fire my Ultimate Destructo-Ray-Gun on the Spider People!"

 

"Then I will turn it on them myself, faithless one!"

 

As Chaotica strode towards the weapon, Lady Illuminata suddenly swung the barrel around and pointed it at Chaotica's Death Soldier Brigade. "I will be a savior of the peoples of Earth, not the means of their destruction," she yelled, releasing Captain Proton and turning the key to Maximum Kill Power, obliterating Chaotica's forces.

 

Chaotica howled in anguish for Lonzak to come and help him vanquish the invaders. One invader, however, was still hanging from the wall of Chaotica's lair, immobilized by pairs of wrist and ankle irons. "Upgraded Satan's Robot, aren't you supposed to release me now, too?"

 

"I will consider your request."

 

"Seven!"

 

"There have been many unplanned changes to this scenario, 'Buster Kincaid.' I will observe the action before deciding on which course to take. And don't call me Seven. It is out of character."

 

Harry howled in frustration until the Upgraded Satan's Robot pressed her body against his, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him deeply and well. Neither paid attention to Dr. Chaotica's frantic orders for his robot to defend his fortress, while Captain Proton, his ray gun pistol restored to him by Lady Illuminata, fired at the minions who were racing to protect their Liege. Amazingly, every single shot from Captain Proton's pistol found its target, while the minions of Dr. Chaotica were unable to hit Proton and Illuminata even once.

 

"Lonzak! Where are you, my worthless henchman?!" Chaotica cried out in frustration.

 

At long last, Lonzak rushed into the Fortress of Doom, looking notably different than he had in previous chapters. His facial tattoo, in particular, was quite distinctive.

 

"Ah! At last you are here, my most faithful servant. Slay my treacherous Handmaiden! Rid me of Captain Proton and his puny sidekick!"

 

"Hey, when did those lines show up in the script?" Harry grumbled.

 

"Must I remind you again to stay in character?" the erstwhile Upgraded Satan's Robot pointedly asked.

 

As they turned back to follow the action, Lonzak reached his Liege Lord's position. Instead of firing his hand weapon at Lady Illuminata and Proton, however, he pointed it at Chaotica. Clapping a pair of handcuffs on the holodeck character's wrists, Lonzak proclaimed, "I will no longer do your bidding, Dr. Chaotica, I have been seduced by the loveliest queen in all the universe! I am now the love slave of Arachnia, Queen of the Spider People!"

 

The figure who stalked into the Fortress of Doom at this moment with her hands on her  hips, making the grandest of entrances, was a familiar one. Her elaborate ebony costume glittered with sequins and bejeweled spider baubles. "Have you forgotten the power of my pheromones of love?" Queen Arachnia said seductively, strolling towards the immobilized Evil Master of the Universe. "Lonzak has not. He's such a good boy," she cooed, patting her love slave on the cheek.

 

"Faithless servant! When I get my revenge on Arachnia, you shall be destroyed as well!" Chaotical cried.

 

"Computer, freeze program."

 

"Seven! What are you doing? We're at the climax of the story!" Harry pleaded.

 

"I have experienced quite enough of this scenario. It is more suited to the tastes of Naomi, Mezoti, Icheb, and the twins. I will never participate in such a ridiculous program again." Bending down, Seven disengaged the irons securing Harry in place with a quick twist of her Borg-enhanced left hand.

 

"I didn't know you could do that," Harry said.

 

"Normally, I could not. Since I was uncertain how long I would consent to 'have fun' in this program, I altered the clasp on the irons. 'Buster Kincaid,' you are free to go. The 'New and Improved Satan's Robot' will also leave the premises. Immediately."

 

As Seven headed towards the Fortress of Doom's entrance, where the holodeck access arch was located, Tom sighed. "You're right, Seven. It's time for this chapter to end. But let's end it the right way, with a romantic clinch and a fade out. 'Lady Illuminata?'" He held out his arms to welcome B'Elanna in for a snuggle. She quickly accepted.

 

"Seven, wait. We need to finish up the chapter the right way, too."

 

Harry held out his arms, but his lover simply stared at him. "If you wish for a romantic interlude, I prefer the privacy of your quarters to this holodeck program. It is 'kitschy.'"

 

"Oh, all right." While Harry's words suggested disappointment, the tone of his voice matched the anticipatory expression on his face. He ducked his head beneath the "To Be Continued" caption floating in the air as he followed Seven towards the exit.

 

As they began to walk towards the exit, too, B'Elanna admitted, "You know, Tom, getting to be silly wasn't _all_ bad."

 

"I knew you'd have fun once you let yourself go," Tom said, adding, "and if you'd like, we can continue the last part of the scenario in our quarters. We can skip the 'G' rating there."

 

Once Harry caught up to Seven and linked his arm under hers, he looked back over his shoulder towards his friends. "Hey, Tom, I love the way you reprogrammed Lonzak and Arachnia to look like the captain and the commander. Nice touch."

 

Tom tightened his arm around B'Elanna and admitted, "but I didn't reprogram them, Harry. I thought you did."

 

The group heard Queen Arachnia order the chapter to close. The Fortress of Doom's sets disappeared, leaving six costumed characters silhouetted against Holodeck Two's gridlines.

 

"Well, this is a surprise," Tom said. "We seem to have two new players tonight."

 

Chakotay began to laugh as "The Queen" winked at Harry and Seven.

 

B'Elanna demanded, "So who's minding the bridge, anyway? Naomi? Mezoti? Not the twins!"

 

"Wait. Don't tell me it's the Doctor's Emergency Command Hologram program!" yelled Harry.

 

"Fine," purred Queen Arachnia. "Then I won't tell you that."

 

Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, and Seven whipped their heads around at each other and, still dressed in their costumes, the four rushed out of the holodeck, while the evil laughs of "Arachnia" and "Lonzak" floated behind them.

 

As Chakotay's evil cackle opened up into the first officer's own full throated laughter, his superior sneered, "You're totally out of character, 'Lonzak.'" She barely managed to get that much out before she burst into the lusty chortle Captain Kathryn Janeway so seldom had the opportunity to unleash.

 

Once both managed to rein in their merriment enough to speak more soberly, the captain smiled crookedly at Chakotay. "You know, I never even thought about letting the ECH handle the bridge tonight. His reaction to the 'Proton' team would have been classic. Even funnier than Tuvok's is going to be."

 

"Lonzak" just smiled as he tucked his elbow underneath the arm of "Queen Arachnia" and guided her to the holodeck entrance. As they walked through the arch into the corridor, Dr. Chaotica's disembodied voice echoed from behind them. "I shall exact my revenge upon you, my faithless queen! You will not escape so easily. I will punish you for your audacity. Just wait until next week! I am Chaotica! And don't you forget it!" As the exit door closed behind them, his evil cackle continued to resound throughout the corridor.

 

"He really doesn't know when to give up, does he?" Chakotay remarked.

 

"The truly evil ones _never_ do," she replied huskily.

 

They laughed together as they walked down the corridor to the turbolift, while Dr. Chaotica's evil cackle still rang in their ears.

 

=/\=  

The End  (Until Next Time...)

**Author's Note:**

> I thought "Maternity" was the fifth and final episode of the "Quid Pro Quo/Satisfaction AU," but then I found the following snippet in my "Works in Progress" folder, from an old chat, circa Voyager's 7th season: 
> 
> "Still, wouldn't it be fun to see the two couples playing Captain Proton? Since I probably won't get a chance to write it, I'll tell you that my scenario for B'Elanna would be for her to be Dr. Chaotica's henchwoman, who is swayed away from the path of evil by falling in love with the dashing Captain Proton. And B'Elanna rolls her eyes that way she does and says "Oh, please," several times during the sim because of the absurdity of it all."
> 
> Resistance was futile. Here it is, the true "fifth" story of the AU. Not a sex farce this time, but farcical -- yeah, you bet. This episode moves "Maternity" into sixth and last position in the Quid Pro Quo/Satisfaction series. That should do it, unless I find another irresistible story idea lurking on my hard drive or in the back of my brain someday.
> 
> I'd like to acknowledge the person I must have been chatting with that day, almost 20 years ago now. Unfortunately, I didn't copy that part of the chat. So, I'll just thank all of the PT Collective and PT Fever members who met with me in the Camp Brandy and Sandrine's chat rooms all those years ago. Thanks for the inspiration.
> 
> Jamelia  
> August, 2018


End file.
